


I Believe in You

by ivyscribbles (all_choseny)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Season/Series 07, Spuffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 14:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18918862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_choseny/pseuds/ivyscribbles
Summary: “Because we need you....” She said after awhile. Buffy swallowed hard before her eyes fell on his again. “I need you.”





	I Believe in You

Buffy stood at the entrance of the cavern for a few moments. Any minute she expected an agent of the First to rush out behind her or in front of her. It seemed a little too easy now. But there was nothing. She listened closely for any voices. The only thing she hears were steady drops of water from somewhere in the cave. Buffy waited a few more minutes. She knew every minute was precious, but fear paralyzed her. The First knew she was coming, she’d killed its Turok-Han. Maybe Spike was dead now. There was an old saying, “an eye for an eye.” She took away a member of its army, maybe it took a member of hers. Spike was important to the mission....and to her. The First knew this. 

Buffy closed her eyes and tried hard to shake it off. He was waiting for her, she had to go to him. She moved deeper through the tunnel, following a soft yellow light in the distance. The light at the end of the tunnel, she thought to herself. How ironic. She hoped that light wouldn’t show her something she didn’t want to see. The other girls had asked her earlier why Spike was so important to her. She couldn’t answer their questions because she didn’t really know herself, or she wasn’t ready to know. But he was important to her. When he was there, she felt safe. She knew that he would protect her and Dawn with his life because he loved her. And selfishly she held on to his love, but left it unrequited. She didn’t love him, she told herself. But she needed him. He had to be alive. 

The light at the tunnel grew brighter the closer she got to it. Again, Buffy listened for any sounds of danger. Again, she heard nothing. The slayer moved forward quicker this time, but stopped short as she saw him chained to the wall. Her hand gripped around the bringers knife she held in her hand just in case she had to fight. She was prepared to fight for him, and risk her own life to save him. Buffy moved forward silently, the closer she got to him his bruises became more pronounced. They tortured him. 

The sight of Spike, bruised, battered, and in pain brought back another memory. When Glory had kidnapped him, she tortured him for information, and he never broke. He protected Dawn though he didn’t have to. Buffy made it no secret that she hated Spike. She treated him like dirt every time he was around. He could have gotten his revenge on her and told everything. Glory would have gotten to them sooner if he had, and killed her and Dawn. She’d been grateful for his heroics then, grateful enough to kiss him....and mean it. The kiss had been out of both gratitude and pity, but Buffy had never been more compelled to kiss anyone until that moment.

Seeing him hurt like this again caused her heart to ache. She wanted to do more than kiss him, she wanted to cut him down, and hold him in her arms. As if sensing her presence in the cave, Spike opened his eyes and shook his head. He knew this wasn’t real. He’d been there for days waiting for her, but she never came for him. She said she wouldn’t come for him-- no, wait that wasn’t her. It was a lie. The First made itself look like Buffy to get to him. It teased him with Buffy’s voice, and gave him hope with soft caresses and the phantom touch of her soft hand. But it wasn’t real. And neither were his dreams. In his dreams, she did come for him. She was bright, and smiling, and whole. Then he would wake up still chained to the wall, the First’s laughter echoing in his ears. Maybe she wouldn’t come for him. Maybe he was wrong about her all along. “A knife, now is it?” His tongue was heavy as he tried to form the words. He was tired of the first’s cheap tricks. “...What...what’ll that--? You can’t hurt me. You are just a bloody figment, you are. Just a...”

Buffy’s eyes filled with unshed tears. God, what did they do to you? She needed to get him away from this place, somewhere safe where he belonged. Without a word, Buffy lifted her arm and began to cut him down one restraint at a time. She could feel his hand heavy on her shoulders as his weight began to sag onto her. “Oh.” Spike looked up in surprise as he realized that he was really touching her. His vision strained as he tried to see her with both eyes, but she was blurry behind the bruising. Still, it felt like her. And it smelled like her. He could feel the warmth radiating from her body. Figments didn’t feel warm. 

Buffy wrapped her arm around his waist, taking the brunt of his weight as she led him out of the cave. They weren’t out of the woods yet. She continued to help Spike along, as she gripped the knife in her other hand just in case. “We’re almost there,” Buffy reassured him as they got closer to the cavern entrance.

Spike looked down at Buffy with his good eye. He tried to smile, but the muscles in his face were too tired to cooperate. Instead, he managed a weak grimace. “ You’re really here? You came for me...?” 

Buffy heard the awe in his voice and again she felt her heart crack just a little bit more. He didn’t think she would come. Buffy understood why; in the past she never gave him reason to believe she cared. And in the past, she really hadn’t cared. Now...she found herself leaning on Spike for almost everything. He was her strength. She needed him by her side. Buffy looked up and smiled softly as her eyes ran over his bruised face. “I’m really here. I’m with you.” Her arm tightened around his waist and brought him closer to her body as they walked. “But we need to hurry, okay.” Spike nodded his head and although his body protested, moved a little faster. 

The car was waiting for them at the edge of the woods. Buffy followed the headlights form Xander’s car, looking over her shoulders to make sure they weren’t being watched. “Geez, what did they do to him?” Xander said as he jumped out of the drivers side to help Buffy. 

“Here, take his other arm and help me get him into to back.” Buffy opened the back door quickly and both Xander and Spike helped ease him inside as carefully as they could while trying not to injure him further. Spike could hear them talking as they helped him in the car, and despite the pain he was in he still had the urge to make a smart remark towards Xander’s question. But he didn’t have the energy to talk. All he wanted was rest, blessed rest. And maybe a warm cup of blood. Buffy placed her hand gently on Spike’s ankle once he was laid out almost full length in the back of Xander’s car. “We’re going home now,” she reassured him before climbing into the passenger side of the car. 

Home. The word sounded like heaven to Spike. Home. She said they were going home. His mind was too tired to process that she called her house his home as well. Instead, he closed his tired eyes and rested knowing he was secure now, and not chained to cave wall. Or so he hoped. Knowing his luck, this could all be a dream or another one of the First’s cruel tricks.

The car was silent on the drive home. Buffy stared out the window in front of her as they drove through the quiet streets. It was as if everyone knew something was wrong. The little lights in peoples houses were turned out earlier now. The latch of a deadbolt being thrown could probably be heard out on the street as they locked their doors trying to ward off whatever scary thing was out there. Soon it wouldn’t be enough. The first meant business. Tonight it had almost taken one of her most valuable warriors away from her. Buffy lifted her eyes and watched Spike through the rearview mirror. They had to be more careful. She couldn’t allow something like this to happen again. She’d been too late with Eve, and if she didn’t watch herself she would lose someone close to her. Someone she loved. Her eyes held on Spike’s resting figure for a few long minutes before she finally tore her eyes away from him.

The house was still lit up when they pulled up on the driveway. The others had waited up for her and Xander. Buffy knew they didn’t understand why she had risked so much to get Spike, and at this point she didn’t care. There would be questions, but right now her main concern was getting Spike inside where he was safe. Again, Xander helped her ease Spike out of the car and onto the drive way. Spike tried to put more weight on his tired weak legs as they walked up the driveway. He hadn’t realized until just then how sodding long the drive way was. He was going to have to speak with Buffy about that, figure out a way to shorten it. 

“Here, help me get him to the basement.” Buffy wanted to take him up to her room, but then they would have had to navigate stairs. Besides, her room wasn’t exactly private anymore. Xander nodded his head as they made their way through the living room and to the kitchen. The potentials all watched in awe as Buffy led Spike through the house. They could tell he had been tortured, and despite Buffy’s lesson from earlier that night, it scared them. Buffy could see the fear on their faces as she walked Spike along, but she didn’t have time to stop and reassure them that everything was fine now. 

Once they were down in the basement, Buffy and Xander helped Spike lay down on his cot. Buffy stood back, feeling guilty that after everything he had been through over the last two days, all he had was a cot to come home to. “Thanks, Xand. I can take it from here.” Xander nodded his head before he placed a hand on Buffy’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly.

The room was silent as she stood there rubbing her hands up and down her arms, watching him. She could see the scars and the bruises on his skin clearly now that they were alone and safe. “I’ll-I’ll be back okay.” Her voice was soft and comforting in his ears. It had to be a dream, Spike thought again. There was no way Buffy would talk to him with such...care. Spike forced his eyes open and reached out for her, grabbing a hold of her wrist. 

“Where are you going?” He croaked out. He didn’t want her to leave, afraid that if she did he’d wake up again and it would be another trick of the First using her form to torture him both mentally and physically.

Buffy looked down at the hand wrapped around her wrist before she touched it lightly with her free hand. “I’m going upstairs, but I’ll be back. I promise.” Again, her voice was soft and full of concern. Buffy had to blink back the tears that swam in her eyes when she saw the look of relief cross his battered face. It was as if he was terrified to see her leave. Buffy gave his hand a light squeeze before leaving him.

Upstairs the house was surprisingly quiet and dark. Xander, She thought to herself with relief. He must have gotten the girls to wind down knowing Spike was downstairs...recovering. Buffy grabbed a first aid kit they kept in the kitchen by the door, and heated up a mug of blood at body temperature. She knew he had to be starving and weak. Buffy stared fixedly into the microwave, watching the mug turn over and over again before the bell chimed a few minutes later. Carefully, she lifted the mug out of the microwave and carried it back downstairs along with the first aid kit. 

Buffy was surprised to see Spike sitting up. “You should be resting,” she said as she laid the first aid kit down on a work table Xander had set up a few weeks ago once he moved in.

Spike shrugged his shoulders and winced. “Can’t sleep. Too many....” He shook his head unable to finish his thoughts. There were too many memories. He wasn’t sure which were really nightmares. Buffy nodded her head slightly before handing him the warm mug. 

“It’s pigs blood. I tried to warm it up just right....let me know if it isn’t hot enough. I forgot to check. I’m sorry.”

Spike lifted his head and raised a scared brow as he took the warm mug out of her hand. He sniffed it once before placing the rim on his lips. Every instinct told him to guzzle it down. But somehow he found the will to restrain himself. “S’fine. Thanks.”

Buffy watched him for few more moments before she nodded her head again and walked over to the large sink in the opposite corner. Carefully she filled a bowl with hot tap water and carried it back over to where Spike sat on his cot. Spike watched her in silent shock as she slowly dipped a small cloth in the warm water and rung it out. He was even more intrigued as she carefully placed the rag over the deep gash over his swollen eye. Spike jerked his head back in both surprise and shock from the slight sting.

“Sorry, let me know if I hurt you, okay,” she said softly as she continued to clean his wounds with a gentle hand. Spike sat stiffly for a few moments before he felt the tension ebb out of his body, causing him to sag a little. 

“More?”

“Huh?” Spike lifted his head confused.

“Do you need more blood. I know you must be starving since...”

Spike looked down into the empty mug and shook his head. “I’m good for now. Got something warm in me, should last for a bit. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Buffy let her eyes roam over his face as she continued to wipe away the dried blood. He was a healing fast. She could tell that the wounds were already closing up. His eye would take a few days longer though. Buffy gently ran the wash cloth over his eye, wiping away the blood before she dipped it back into the hot bowl of water. It had turned slightly pink with his blood. “You’re healing already.” Her hands moved over the markings over his chest. Buffy traced her fingers lightly over one symbol on the left side of his chest. Spike winced slightly but didn’t brush her hands away. This was a new experience for him, being taken care of. No one had taken care of him since his mum. No one really had cared since then. Spike lifted his eyes and watched her face and saw concern. It made him feel slightly uncomfortable. 

Spike caught her hand in his. “I’ll be fine pet. Some two bit ghost can’t get the best of me.” Spike laughed a little. He felt his rib cage rattle slightly and winced before coughing.

Buffy’s lips lifted in a half hearted watery smile. Even after taking a beating, he still managed to put on airs. She knew he would never admit to being in pain. “I know. You’re strong. The First knows this, and it’s afraid.”

Spike let go of her hand and shook his head. He didn’t feel strong. He felt like a screw up. He let himself get captured. If Buffy hadn’t found him, he was sure he would have told them anything and everything they wanted to know. Spike shifted on his cot as the guilt nagged at him. The guilty voice sounded like Buffy’s. “Well, must be real shook up then. Did a number on me.” He tried to laugh again. Buffy placed the pink stained cloth back in the bowl as she began to dress one of the deeper gashes on his abdomen. She ran her hand over the hard surface as she carefully placed a gauze bandage over the wound. “You’re hurt,” Spike said as if noticing for the first time the bandage on her cheek. He lifted a gentle hand and ran his thumb lightly over her wound.

“I’ll live.” Their eyes locked and held for several long moments before Buffy finally tore hers away from his. Emotions ran rampantly through her as she put the kit away. The thought of losing Spike frightened her. It frightened her that she was feeling this way. The emotions she was feeling were complicated and heavy in the air between them. Buffy’s hands shook slightly as she placed the last unused bandage back into the kit and closed it with a soft click. “You should rest. Get your strength back.” 

Spike watched her with curious eyes. He started to tell her he was fine. But his body protested and finally he let himself give in to the fatigue that began to settle over him. Spike nodded his head before laying back on the narrow cot. “Don’t you want to know about the First?”

Buffy lifted her eyes from her lap and connected them with his again. “Yes. But not now. We’ll have plenty of time to talk. I just need you to get strong again, okay?” 

Spike nodded his head. “Just wish I could’ve-- I’m sorry love I didn’t--”

Buffy shook her head fiercely. “No, don’t apologize. I-” Buffy closed her eyes tightly before opening them again slowly. Without much thought, she gently touched her hand to his head and combed her fingers through his hair lightly. “Just rest. We’ll talk about it in the morning.” 

Spike stared at her in awe as she continued to caress his hair. There had been times in the past when they had lain together after sex. During those quiet intimate moments, she had caressed his arms as he held her body against his. Those moments were rare, but during those times it was as if she’d forget to hate him and just be. On those few occasions, he never remembered her touching him quite like the way she was touching him now. Spike closed his eyes and felt keenly disappointed as he felt the sudden retreat of her hand, but her touch still left his mark on him.

Buffy watched him silently for a few more moments before she stood up to turn off the dim light. Quietly, she pulled up a chair and stayed close by his side throughout the night as he rested.

† † † †

 

“You know a fella could get used to this.” Spike took another swallow of the hot mug of blood Buffy gave him and grinned.

“Well, try not to get too used to it. We have a bunch of girls out there that need training. Don’t think I don’t know you’re milking this whole I’ve-been-tortured-by-the-First-thing.”

“Hey you try being chained to cave, beaten, drowned, and carved up like a halloween pumpkin, and tell me how you’d feel.” The smile on Buffy’s lips faded as she thought about the condition Spike had been in a few nights before. She had nearly lost a soldier. A friend. “Hey now, none of that,” Spike said as he pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning on and scooted toward the edge of his cot. It still amazed him how much concern the slayer was showing toward him. They went through so many phases. Enemies, frienemies, lovers, now....friends? He didn’t know quite how to categorize his relationship with Buffy as of late. It was complicated....and confusing. “I’m fine. Back to my normal self.” He touched a hand gently to her chin, before letting it drop again.

Buffy looked up and tried to smile. “I know. It’s just-- I should have gotten to you sooner.”

“You did the best you could. We all have.... We’re gonna beat this Buffy.”

Buffy wanted to believe him. But every now and then doubt would hang over her like a heavy black cloud. Potentials had died on her watch because she hadn’t been fast enough, or smart enough, or strong enough. “It’s so strong. It was here Spike, for days, living here in my house pretending to be one of us. How can I stop this thing, when I don’t even know what’s real or not?”

Spike placed his hands on the top of his knees and squeezed. He knew exactly what she meant. He’d been there. “Well, we did learn a few things. It can only take the shape of those that are dead,” Spike thought of the first coming to him as Buffy and grimaced. “So it’s not as strong as we thought it was. We just gotta be careful. Stay on our P’s and Q’s. Anything suspicious, question it.”

“Easier said than done.”

“But it can be done.” Spike took Buffy’s hand in his and pulled her a little closer so that his own legs bracketted hers. “Look pet, I know it ain’t easy but you can do this.” Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head. She wasn’t so sure anymore. “Yeah, you can. I believe in you.”

Buffy’s eyes opened wide in shock at his words, the very same words she had said to him. “You almost died....because of me, because I couldn’t get to you fast enough. Because I was afraid of those vampires.”

Spike continued to hold her hand in his. “It’s okay to be afraid love. That’s good. Means you won’t get cocky, reckless. And yeah, it took you a bit, but the point is you came for me.” Spike looked down at the soft small hand he held. It looked delicate on the outside, but he knew first hand being punched by her felt like being punched by a drunken Irishman. She was stronger than she knew. 

He thought about those few nights in the cave thinking he would die, but at the same time knowing she wouldn’t let him. Because she believed in him. Spike wondered why. After everything that happened between them, he wondered why. “Why did you come for me?” He asked after a few long moments of silence.

Buffy looked down at their joined hands and thought about his question. The answer was simple, he was in trouble and she needed to help him. But it went deeper than that. Over the last few weeks Spike had been her rock. No matter what, he was there for her, had always been there for her. He could have told Glory everything, had his ultimate revenge. But he didn’t. When her friends brought her back, he was there for her. Albeit, it wasn’t their finest moments, but he tried. She just hadn’t let him. And now....now Buffy didn’t really know how to handle her feelings for him. He had a soul now. She’d always scorned him and his love because he was a “thing.” She would justify her love for Angel because he had a soul. Now Spike did too. And he hadn’t been cursed to get one. He fought for it, earned it. He did it for her, so he wouldn’t hurt her again. Buffy sniffed back tears as she tried to answer his question. 

“Because we need you....” She said after awhile. Buffy swallowed hard before her eyes fell on his again. “I need you.” Spike’s eyes widened slightly as he felt the shock wash over him like a warm wave, touching him from the root of his hair to the tips of his toes. Buffy stepped back surprised at her own revelation. “Things are going to get worse before they get better. And-- and I need you here Spike, beside me. These girls-- I don’t know if they can do this. We’re the strongest ones they’ve got.”

Spike nodded his head still marveling at her softly spoken I need you. Buffy never needed anyone. Or at least she pretended not to. But here she was telling him that he was important to her. He wanted to take that and run with it. But now was not the time to dwell on possibilities. He loved her. He would always love her. And for now that was enough for him. “And I’m with you, pet. To the bitter end, right by your side.”

Buffy smiled at him wanly as she sniffed again. She felt jittery inside and needed to breathe. They were getting too close. And she needed to think, figure things out. She didn’t have to ask why he stayed, and why he would fight. She already knew. And knowing scared her more than it had before. Sooner or later she wouldn’t be able to run from him and it. But for right now, all she could do was accept what he offered her and be grateful. “Thank you.”

Spike shrugged his shoulders before stuffing his hands deep in his pockets. He really didn’t know what else to say. “You’re welcome.” Buffy placed a hand on his arm and looked him in the eye before turning away from him to mount the stairs back up to the kitchen. “Oh and Buffy...” Buffy stopped and turned around to face him again. “Thank you for believing in me.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very old fic that I wrote back in 2010 and I just found it. So, I thought I'd share.


End file.
